instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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