i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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