She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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