Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
