Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
