just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
