I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
