Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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