so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
