hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
