The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
