this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
