hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
