I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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