He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont even know how to be here
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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