you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pants are for mortals
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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