My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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