I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
