You really coming over, don't trick.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
