i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
