The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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