i permit you to call me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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