i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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