Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
