A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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