Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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