After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would fuck him just for his dog
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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