What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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