he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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