Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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