I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
