when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
