This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
