we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
