so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
