at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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