I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
