So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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