I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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