Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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