Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
