Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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