He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
