Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
