I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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