Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
