College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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