shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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