i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
