I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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