If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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