he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
