You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
